


yellow; joshler

by hyacinthdun



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Body Image, Body Positive, Bullying, Chubby Tyler, EDNOS, Eating Disorders, Fluff and Angst, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Josh is kind of an asshole ://, M/M, Tyler is v gay, feminine tyler, i'm so bad at tags, kelly is the best mother, literally fuck everyone??, ty is an angel, tyler deserves better
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-09-23 02:01:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 13,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17071349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyacinthdun/pseuds/hyacinthdun
Summary: "My friends all tell me I'm fucking stupid for having a fat ass for a boyfriend and you know what, Tyler? I agree with them. You're so lucky I can see past your body because nobody else would do that!""Josh, stop! W-what's gotten into you?"Tyler wants to be loved for who he is.He wants to feel beautiful and worthy.He finds comfort within Josh, or so he thinks.(posted on wattpad under the same name; https://www.wattpad.com/story/129064505-yellow-joshler)





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> "My friends all tell me I'm fucking stupid for having a fat ass for a boyfriend and you know what, Tyler? I agree with them. You're so lucky I can see past your body because nobody else would do that!"  
> "Josh, stop! W-what's gotten into you?"
> 
> Tyler wants to be loved for who he is.  
> He wants to feel beautiful and worthy.  
> He finds comfort within Josh, or so he thinks.
> 
> (posted on wattpad under the same name; https://www.wattpad.com/story/129064505-yellow-joshler)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the first few chapters are kinda bad because they're from summer 2017, but I promise they get better x  
> \- lil

It was close to closing time on a warm Sunday evening. The sun was shining through the windows and the sky was a mix of purple and orange and pink hues swirled together.

Josh was thankful that the day was over, he hated serving little old ladies who wanted a fresh bouquet of flowers every weekend but, hey, money was money. His mocha orbs stared at the clock, and then the counter, and then back to the clock. He had 15 minutes 'til he had to lock up and he was hoping that they'd be quiet.

Sadly, the dandelion haired boy was wrong, because the silver bell above the old shop door jingled. Josh averted his eyes away from the wooden counter which he was leaning on expecting to see another old lady, but he was far from correct.

Instead, there stood a small brunette boy with a bewildered look on his face, he was staring at the chipped yellow paint that covered the walls and looking down at his dress, which matched perfectly. Josh stared at him for a minute, watching the way he played with his hair as he wandered around the store, stopping to see the sunflowers, his delicate hands softly brushing past them.

He was like nothing Joshua had ever saw before. Why, the boy was ethereal to put it. What, with his coffee-coloured locks and hazel doe-eyes, the yellow babydoll dress that he wore complemented his curves and thighs perfectly. His sunkissed skin and gentle freckles across his nose looked like an artist's canvas as he was surrounded by an array of colours .

"What're you lookin' for, princess?" Josh cleared his throat to ask the brunette the question, the nickname making his chubby cheeks turn a bright crimson colour and a small smile formed on his face as he looked down at the flower shop floor, playing with the bottom of his dress.

"U-uhm some sunflowers, maybe? They're m' favourite!" The cherry-cheeked boy replied, an angelic giggle falling out as well and josh couldn't help but smile back as he walked out from behind the counter to get the boy his flowers.

"Some beautiful sunflowers for a beautiful boy." The yellow haired boy chuckled, picking the sunflowers up and gently placing them in a vase before walking behind the counter again, where the emperean boy stood with that same cherry blush across his cheeks.

Josh took the money from him and in return gave the smaller boy his receipt with the addition of his phone number.

"So will I be seein' you around?" the sunshine haired boy asked full of hope, his fingers gently tapping the countertop. Tyler let another smile creep across his face, this time it revealed his crooked teeth and if Josh thought that the boy couldn't get any cuter then he was wrong,

"Y' sure will!" Tyler beamed as he reached for the door, giving the bright boy a small wave as he left.

Josh was absolutely smitten by the yellow boy.


	2. 2

The brunette boy couldn't stop thinking about the yellow haired male who sold him sunflowers yesterday, no matter how hard he tried all of his thoughts came rushing back to Josh. From the way he smiled to the gentle tone of his voice that felt like a warm blanket on a winter's day - Tyler adored him (even though it was the first time he'd ever saw him). Maybe he'd text him, just maybe.

He felt his cheeks heating up even thinking of the encounter in the flower shop and he couldn't help but let out a small, toothy smile to himself. Tyler was more focused on his own thoughts than he was on his English work, earning a scowl of disapproval from his teacher.

"Thinking of another boy, huh, fag?" A voice from behind spat, causing Tyler to turn around with a smug look on his face,   
"As a matter of fact, Deborah, yes I am indeed thinking of another boy." The petite boy sneered at the red haired girl behind him, causing her to click her tongue and return back to her work.

Before Tyler knew it, class was over and he was free to go and meet his friends. They all had the same lunch hour, so it was perfect for them to gossip.

Tyler practically ran over to their usual table, his backpack bounced on his shoulders and a giggle tumbling from his lips.   
"Guys! You're never gonna guess what happen'd yesterday," Tyler beamed, earning a grin from his friend, Hayley.  
"Woah there, Ty-ger, sit down before you fall flat on your ass before you say anything!" She chuckled, the colourful girl was just happy that her friend was happy. Tyler playfully rolled his eyes, sitting between Hayley and Ryan before continuing,  
"Okay, okay so, I went to a different flower shop than usual yesterday an' I swear I was just there to look around an-and the guy behind the counter was called Josh an' was so sweet and he was so helpful and kind and, oh gosh, you'll never guess what? He gave me his number!" Tyler gushed, feeling his face heat up all the way to the tips of his ears.

"Jesus Christ, Ty, I'm breathless just listening to you! Make sure you actually take a breath when you talk, bud." Ryan chuckled, earning a small slap across the shoulders from the girl sat beside him.   
"Oh Ry! You had to fuckin' ruin the poor kids moment, didn't you? he was all exited about his new lover boy who i'm guessing he hasn't texted yet!" Ashley snorted.

Tyler looked down with a nervous smile on his face,   
"'M scared to text him though, what if he was jus' being polite in giving me his number?". This earned a tut from Hayley as she snatched his phone,   
"I'm guessing that this is him?" She giggled as she held up the glowing screen with the contact name 'Flower boy 🌸' to a rather embarrassed looking Tyler,  
"Y-Yeah, that's the one bu-" Tyler couldn't even finish his sentence before Hayley began to text Josh,

Ty 🌻:  
Hey Josh :)

Tyler shrieked with anxiety as he tried to snatch his phone back from the girls hands, heart had started to beat faster than the speed of light,   
"H-Hayley! What're y' doing? Oh gosh, he's gonna never answer me and probably think 'm strange for messaging him, this was so stupid!", two hands belonging to Hayley suddenly cupped the boy's pudgy jaw, a toothy grin on her face as a giggle fell from her lips,  
"Tyler, Relax! He's replied!"

The boys eyes went wide with fear, his mocha orbs glossing over,  
"Oh no, what's he said? He's probably forgot who I was!" Tyler muttered. Suddenly, his phone was thrusted in front of his eyes.

Ty 🌻:  
Hey Josh :)

Flower Boy 🌸 :  
Hi there, princess 💖💖

Hayley burst out laughing,   
"Ooh Hayls! He's never gonna message me!!" She mimicked Tyler, causing the boy to laugh along with her.  
"See, what've I always told you? Listen to Hayley! I'm not as stupid as I seem." The girl smirked, raising her eyebrows causing Ashley to burst into a fit of giggles.  
"That's debatable Hayley!" The blue haired girl laughed.

Boy, was Tyler glad he had such supportive friend


	3. 3

That night, the mocha eyed boy really did message Josh. It took him a while to psych himself up to doing so and a lot of opening and closing Joshs contact (okay, and a lot of coaxing on Ashley's behalf) but it really was now or never.

Tyler 🌻:  
ah I can't believe I'm doing this

Flower Boy 🌸:  
Doing what angel??

Tyler 🌻:  
because I've never really had someone give me there number the first time they met me.

Flower boy 🌸:  
Well I'm glad I can be the first, sugar 💗

Tyler 🌻:  
You're so lovely 💖💖

Flower boy 🌸:  
I could say the same about you!!

Tyler 🌻:  
Oh gosh, your making me blush 💗💗

Flower boy 🌸:  
That same beautiful blush I saw yesterday I presume??

This made Tyler giggle. He felt like a twelve year old, getting exited over a boy. He doesn't think he's ever been exited over a boy in the way he was right now.

Tyler 🌻:  
You're so sweet I'm screaming 💖💖

Tyler 🌻:   
But if you must know, yeah it is the same blush as yesterday

Flower boy 🌸:  
Well, I was hoping I could see that beautiful blush again on Saturday 💘

Josh was smooth. Was he asking Tyler out? The small brunette squeaked, his hands coming up to his mouth. No one had ever asked him out before!

Tyler 🌻:  
If I didn't know any better, I'd say that your asking me out Joshua 💓

Flower boy 🌸:  
Perhaps I am, but you'll have to wait and find out on Saturday! I'll meet you at the flower shop at 1, it's when I finish my shift 🌻🌻

Tyler 🌻:  
Oh gosh!! Okay, it's a date 💗

Flower boy 🌸:   
I'm so glad, honey 💞

Tyler fell on his back onto his queen sized bed, giggles falling from his plump lips. The boy was the happiest he'd ever been, he doesn't think he's ever felt like this before and he doesn't think he'll ever be as happy as he is now. All because of a yellow haired boy who sold him some sunflowers.


	4. 4

The rest of the week was a breeze for Tyler.  
The boy was practically buzzing with excitement, he couldn't sit still in school and all he'd talk about was Josh and how exited he was to see him again, Hayley even had to help him pick an outfit. For hours they'd sat in his room pairing up outfits until they'd found something perfect. It'd took them a while to find something that Tyler felt comfortable in and something that was casual. In the end, they settled on a yellow sweater (after all, it was Tyler's favourite colour and Josh seemed to like it too) and a black pinafore with some fishnets and his favourite pair of doc martins. He looked pretty damn good, if he did say so himself.

The Saturday sky was a bright cerulean hue, so the brunette walked to the old flower store where Josh worked. It was 12:53 by time he'd got there, about five minutes before he was meant to meet Josh. Tyler waited outside until he heard the jingle of the doorbell, and he swore his heart skipped a few beats as he turned to face the taller boy.  
"Your lookin' beautiful, angel." Josh complimented, causing Tyler's face to heat up and for the blush that the taller boy seemed to love so much to spread across his chubby cheeks. Tyler definitely didn't miss the way that Josh smiled when his cheeks turned crimson.  
"O-oh, thank you!" Tyler gushed, smiling down at his shoes.  
"I'm sorry it's cliche, but there's this real cute cafe not far from here and I'd really like to take you. A beautiful boy deserves to go somewhere beautiful." Josh chuckled, Tyler let out a toothy smile at the thought of going anywhere with Josh.  
"I'd love that!" The small boy giggled,  
"Great! Just lemme lock up and we'll get going." The yellow haired boy replied.

Josh was right, the cafe was extremely nice. It had hanging baskets filled with pretty green plants and each table had a small succulent and a candle that smelt oddly like autumn, maybe because it was cinnamon scented and Tyler did associate that with the falling autumn leaves.  
"Wow, 't sure is lovely here!" The small boy was in love with the new place that the older boy had brought him too.  
"I'm glad you like it," Josh began "So, tell me about yourself, princess."  
"Okay, uhm, 'm Tyler a-an 'm 17. I play the ukulele, if that's anything t-to you, m' favourite flower is a sunflower and m' favourite colour is yellow, but I'm guessing you could already tell b'cause of last Sunday." Tyler answered, small giggles fell from his cherry lips as his sweater covered hands clasped tightly around the mug for warmth. He truly looked amazing, and he felt it too.  
"Well then, I'm Josh and I'm 18. I play the drums and I graduated from high school a couple months back, that's why I work at the flower shop. '''Twas meant to be a summer job but its October and looks like I'm not quitting any time soon." Josh smirked back at the cherubic boy across from him.

The rest of the afternoon was spent laughing and learning about each other (Josh may or may not have called Tyler beautiful on a few occasions). The small brunette was sad when it was over, but him and Josh vowed to see each other again during the week and had promised to text on the way home. Tyler crossed his heart that he'd messaged Josh to let him know he was home safely because the taller boy was fretting.

Tyler really didn't deserve Josh.


	5. 5

Tyler 🌻:  
Thank you so much for today 💖💖

Flower boy🌸:  
It's my pleasure darlin' 💘💘

Tyler🌻:  
💖💖

Tyler's heart began to flutter. He dove into his bed sheets and let out a cherubic giggle as a peachy blush spread across his face. The blush that Josh always points out.

He opened his phone again but this time, it was to message his friends and tell them about the date. He'd be lying if he said it wasn't to ask for some advice too.

Tyler🌻 added Halsey 🖤, Gone, Yelyah, 🅱️read🅱️in and Jenna💞 to The 🅱️inches

Tyler🌻:  
Guys I went out with josh today  
He's the sweetest

🅱️read🅱️in:  
Have you fucked yet

Yelyah :  
Jesus Christ Bren!! We all know Tyler's too innocent for that  
I think  
I hope  
Tyler you haven't fucked have you??

Gone:  
👉🤠👉

Tyler🌻:  
I hate you all  
Anyway I need advice  
It's about Josh

Halsey 🖤:  
This is my calling  
Sit down children  
Mother Ash is here  
So when a boy and girl love each other very much they have something called sexual intercourse 

Tyler🌻:  
🙄🙄🙄

Jenna💞:  
Tell us about ya mans Tyler!!  
My hearts all 💕💞💝💘💖💗💓 thinking about it

By the time Jenna had messaged the groupchat, Tyler had already went downstairs to help his mom with something. When he came back, he unlocked his phone and opened up snapchat again, aimlessly tapping on the screen. Instead of messaging his friends, he accidentally pressed on the wrong chat.

Tyler🌻:  
I think I actually like him, ya know. I'm not so sure though 🙃🙃

Flower Boy 🌸:  
Wait  
What  
Tyler, was that supposed to be for me?

When Tyler realised what he'd done, he yelped. The brunette boy clutched his pillow, his knuckles going white from pressure, as tears began to run down his cheeks. How could he be so stupid?

Tyler🌻:  
I messed up  
Real bad  
Oh god  
Oh no  
I was meant to send something to the group, not josh!!!  
I've deadass just confessed my love for him TO HIM !!  
I've probably ruined everything  
I'm so upset

🅱️read🅱️in:  
Ya fucked up son

Gone:  
Nice words of encouragement, Brendon.  
But seriously Ty, don't stress it.  
He was gonna find out anyway.

Jenna💞:  
Yeah!! It's better he knows now than find out later. Plus, he was flirting with you anyway so it's kinda obvious he feels the same 💖


	6. 6

A few days later, Tyler still found himself wrapped in masses of anxiety over the thought of Josh. Whenever his friend's would try and bring the older boy up in a conversation, the honey-brown eyed boy found his eyes going wide as he avoided the question. However, he desperately needed some new succulents, and the only place to get them was at the florist's that Josh worked at. Tyler knew that the boy was supposedly off on   
Thursdays, so that's when he decided he was going to go. Plus, he'd be lying if he said he wasn't yearning to see the chipped yellow painted walls and smell the honey-vanilla scent that the store gave off.

So that's what he did, he kept to his word and walked down to the florists Thursday after school, the sun beaming down onto his tanned skin as his backpack lazily hung from one of his shoulders. His dainty hands pushed against the handle of the white door and the jingling sound of the bell above his head gave him great comfort.  
"Didn't expect to see you t'day, angel." a familiar voice chuckled, Josh.  
Tyler found himself frozen on the spot, his soft lips slightly parted. He was confused, Josh was meant to be off today, his plan to simply walk in and buy his damn succulents and leave wasn't going to work.  
"W-what're y' doin' here?" was all that Tyler managed to say, the boy mentally cringing as he knew that Josh was obviously here to work and that was such a stupid thing to even say.  
"I work here, silly." Josh answered, smirking at how overly panicked the feminine boy was. Surely it wasn't just because they didn't expect to see each other.

"I-I should pro'lly go." Tyler said, his voice wavering as he edged back towards to door that he'd just passed through, reaching towards the small door handle but a gentle "Wait!" caused him to stop and turn his head back.   
"Ty, c'mere, I'm not mad or upset at you.".  
Suddenly, the waterworks behind the brunettes eyes were turned on and there was no off switch. He didn't know why he was crying, maybe it was because that was all he wanted to hear from the older boy, who was now walking over and pulling the smaller boy into his chest. He was warm and smelt a lot like lavender, Tyler liked that.

"'M sorry, 'm sorry, 'm sorry" Tyler sobbed into Josh's chest, dampening his shirt. The older boy gently shushed him as he stroked the side of the brunettes cheek.   
"Honey, don't apologize! If that's how you feel then you can't change that. I don't want you to ever feel afraid to tell me these things! If i'm honest, I feel the same - I just didn't know how to say it." The sunny haired boy replied, the smile evident in his voice. Tyler pulled away, a small smile leaking onto his face,  
"Y-y' do?"   
Josh laughed and nodded,   
"Yeah, I do. Isn't it obvious?"   
Tyler's tears from the previous minutes had now been replaced with a furious peachy blush that he was so desperately trying to cover with his hands, Josh held the smaller boys wrists and moved them away from the brunettes pretty face.

"How 'bout I close up in here and we go to the park, but this time not as just friends?" The yellow haired boy suggested. The small boy squealed, nodding his head. Josh was smooth, Tyler thought, just like when he asked him out originally 'as just friends'.  
"O-oh gosh, okay!" Tyler beamed. The older boy smiled as he pulled a set of brass door keys from his pocket,  
"Let's go."


	7. 7

Josh was in love. He doesn't know how it happened but he's extremely glad that it did. One hand was intertwined with Tylers and other wrapped around the small boy's waist. Tyler rested his head in the crook of the elders neck, breathing in the lavender smell.

It wasn't long before both boys found themselves walking through the park, the cinnamon brown leaves crunching under their feet. Josh took a moment to take in his surroundings, and that included Tyler. The sky was painted yellow and orange and the sun gleamed behind the clouds, shimmering off the clear blue lake that was only a few feet in front of them. A swan swam by and to say that Tyler was mesmerised by it was an understatement,  
"J! Look, isn't 't beautiful?" The cherubic boy beamed, his voice was soft and gentle as if he was afraid to scare the swan away. Josh couldn't help but take in how angelic the boy look in that moment. The way his fawn eyes glistened like the lake and how his soft lips were graced with a small smile.  
"Yeah, it is. But I think I know something even prettier." Josh replied, Tyler looked up at him and hummed in response.  
"You." Josh said. Tyler squealed, and covered his smiling face with the sleeves of his blue sweater.

That smile was quickly replaced with a frown when he heard a familiar voice,   
"No fucking way!"  
The small boy turned his head back. This couldn't be happening. Not now, please dear god not now.   
"Is that who I think it is?" The voice shouted, a sound of laughter accompanying it.  
Josh turned to the small boy, who was beginning to pick up the speed of which they were walking .  
"Do you know them?" Josh asked, It was obvious that Tyler did but the small boy thought it was best to play up his confidence to try and hide how fucking anxious he was.  
"Nah, J-jus' keep on walking." Tyler's voice wavered as he tried to act brave, but Josh saw right through him. The ethereal boy was obviously anxious, Josh could tell by how tight he was holding his hand, his tan skin practically turning white from pressure.

Josh couldn't lie either, he knew full well who they were but he was confused as to why Tyler did.


	8. 8

Tyler was relieved. He couldn't lie to himself; he felt real stupid for getting as worked up as he did over the whole messaging situation with Josh, but he was glad that they were both okay. They were probably fine to begin with, Tyler was too caught up in the heat of the moment to even realise that though.

The small boy had to admit, seeing the boy and his friends left him feeling slightly nauseous, but Tyler was trying to repress everything that they'd done to him as the very thought made him want to burst into tears.

Friday came along, it was a new day and my god - Tyler was going to seize it. Tyler heard his mother call him from downstairs that he'd better get going or he'd miss the bus. He skipped downstairs, not forgetting to kiss his mom goodbye before dashing off to school. What could he say - he was more than exited to tell his friends that him and Josh were more than okay.

Tyler bounded into homeroom, sliding on top of the desk in front of his friends,  
"Everything's fine!" He practically yelled, a smile spreading across his chubby cheeks. Ashley laughed and shook her head,  
"See? We told you it'd be okay! Honestly, Ty, you worry way too much!".   
Tyler playfully rolled his eyes. Today was going to be okay.

School was finally over, and Tyler was glad because that meant he got to see Josh again. He didn't expect to see him outside of his school though.  
"J! What're y' doin here?" Tyler beamed, a confused look on his face as the yellow haired boy pulled him in, wrapping his arms around the shorter boys waist as the brunette kissed him softly.  
"Thought I'd surprise you, angel. I'm taking you out again.". Tyler covered his, now crimson, cheeks and giggled.  
However, the laughter was cut short when a girls voice hollered,  
"Hey, Tyler, wearing skinny jeans doesn't make you look skinnier."  
To that, the brunette simply rolled his eyes and raised his middle finger as he and Josh walked away from the school, hips still touching.

Things were okay.


	9. 9

After Josh took Tyler home, Brendon texted him.

Brendon:  
Ay man, you busy??

Josh:  
Nah, dude. What's up?

Brendon:   
You wanna come over? It's been a while

Josh:  
Yeah okay, just gimme 10 minutes and I'll be there.

Josh was a man of his word and was at Brendon's house within 10 minutes. It helped that he could drive and the distance between Joshs apartment and  
Brendon's house was a 15 minute drive, 10 minutes if you really put your foot down.

The boys hugged (if you could even call it that) and sat down, like the raven haired boy said - it had been a while, 3 months to be exact. Even though they lived pretty close, Brendon was a senior in high school and Josh was a graduate.  
"How's it been, man?" Brendon asked, adjusting his glasses that sat ajar on his nose,  
"'T's been pretty good, I've actually got a boyfriend." Josh chuckled, the thought of Tyler making him blush a little,  
"Nah, you're fuckin' smitten man. Tell me about him." Brendon replied, resting his head on his hands.

"Well, he's the sweetest person, high school senior. Small, tanned, chubby and he has this really really fluffy brown hair and he has the cutest crooked teeth and voice. He's really pretty I thi-" Josh was cut off when Brendon snorted,  
"No fucking way, you're the Josh that Tyler was freaking the hell out over."

Josh looked at his best friend, eyebrows knitting together,  
"How'd you know Tyler?"  
Brendon looked at him, a confused expression on his face.  
"Has he not told you? We were and still are really close friends. Me and him were inseparable before he moved schools, poor fuckin' kid didn't deserve any of what happened." The raven haired boy sighed as he came to end of his sentence.  
"Woah woah, man, what happened? He seems so happy and confident with everything."  
Brendon looked down and shook his head,   
"Jesus fucking Christ he's literally told you nothing. J, I hate to break it to you man but Tyler is the most insecure person you'll ever meet. It's really not my place to tell you about his past, he'll open up to  
you eventually. You could try and get it out of him, but i'm not too sure that'll work."

Josh sighed and shook his head,  
"How the fuck am I meant to bring this up in a conversation, 'hey, tell me about the traumatic shit that happened to you at your old school'. Brendon, it's not something I can just expect him to trust me with straight away!"  
"I know, bud, I know. You just have to try and work it into a conversation. Be subtle."  
"Aight, I'll talk to him tomorrow when I see him. He's staying the night at my place so it'll be easier. Thanks, Bren." Josh said.

It was beginning to get late, and Brendon's parents were well on their way home, so Josh thought it was best to go. He had a lot of thinking to do over how he was going to talk to Tyler.

This was gonna be a long night.


	10. 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long long chapter, a lot about Ty is revealed. Trigger warning on this chapter for mentions of eating disorders and bullying etc., please stay safe angels. Flashbacks are separated.

Josh didn't sleep. He was overthinking every possible scenario of why Tyler would've had to leave his old school and he'd settled on one by piecing things together - he just hoped it wasn't as bad as he thought. Now he was thinking of it, he'd heard things that others would shout at Tyler, and the small boy would try to laugh it off like it was nothing.

Josh picked Tyler up like everything was completely normal and not like he was going to ask the poor kid to tell him his life story. To say that Josh was stressed out was an understatement. The two boys sat down on Joshs couch and he decided that it was now or never.

"How do you do it?"   
So much for being subtle, Dun.  
Tyler's bewildered doe eyes flickered up to face Josh, who was regretting just blurting the first thing that came to his mind out.  
"What d'you mean?" the small brunette questioned,  
"I mean, how're you so confident? Tyler I've heard the things people say about you and you don't seem to give a shit." Josh let out a small laugh whilst Tyler tried to shrug the question off,  
"O-oh, 'm really not. I guess 'm just kinda faking it till I make it, y' know?"  
Brendon was right, but it still didn't stop the waves of confusion that rushed to Josh's head.   
"Why? You have every right to be comfortable with yourself, I don't understand why you aren't, angel."  
Tyler looked down at his knees and played with the hem of his skirt, biting his lip. His eyes seemed wet with tears, but Josh couldn't be sure as he was looking down. The boy muttered something under his breathe that Josh didn't quite understand,  
"What'cha say?"  
"I said I was bullied, Josh." Tyler sighed, his voice barely audible .

The pair fell silent, neither one wanted to talk. Tyler didn't want to think about it and Josh didn't want to say the wrong thing to Tyler. His thoughts were right, and he could tell that everything's was going to get worse from there:

"Oh shit, Ty, I'm so sorry." Josh starts before Tyler cuts him off,  
raising his hand dismissively.  
"S'okay, you didn't know. Besides, it was last year, so I'm stupid for still being upset about it. It's just hard, I guess."  
"Tyler, you're not stupid at all. That shit sucks. You know I'm here for you, right? I'll listen to you, talk to me babe." Josh cooed, putting his arm around Tyler as the small boy rested his head in the crook of the older boys neck.

"I-i'm scared though, Josh. I've never really told anyone but my mom a-an' close f-friends " Tyler whispered, his voice quivering.  
"Ty, I promise I won't judge you for it. I'd never do that, you're the bravest most beautiful boy I know"

"O-okay I guess I'll just start from the beginning. It all kinda started to get bad when I was 14, I-I've never been really considered 'skinny' nor have I ever been athletic or masculine or anything, like I've always been feminine a-and short a-an chubby, I-I've literally b-been 5'4 for a-as long as I can remem-mber It wasn't bad in middle school, the occasional 'fatass' or 'faggot' was threw at me, b-but it didn't affect me that much. Sure I felt self conscious, but not as much as I did in when high school came around. It was new and it was different a-and kids were a lot meaner and smarter with their insults. It went from just 'fatass' to 'fairy boy' a-and 'thunder thighs' and 'tranny' a-and 'elephant' and oh god-" A sob shook the small boys body, cutting his sentence short, Josh rubbed circles into his back, his eyes downcast to the floor.  
"T-they'd say and do a lot more than that. They'd tell me I-I was a fat reject and that i'd amount to nothing and that no-one loved me. PE was a nightmare, th-they'd hide my stuff and laugh and shout things at me when I was getting changed,"

-  
"Shh, he's coming."   
Frank snorted as he ran back into the changing rooms whilst a bunch of other jocks hid Tyler's clothes in their lockers of the changing room,  
"This is gonna be fuckin' gold."  
They all tried to contain their laughter when Tyler walked in with his best friend, Brendon. Everything was quiet until Frank opened his mouth,

"Woah, guys, did you feel that? I think thunder thighs over there is causing an earthquake." He cackled as he pointed at Tyler, who was trying to bite his tongue and blink back tears. Brendon patted him on the back,  
"Hey, ignore them. Let's just get changed and get outta here."

Tyler searched around for his clothes, which seemed to have miraculously disappeared.  
"Uhm, B-Bren, my clothes are g-gone." Tyler stammered nervously, he could feel his chest going tight and he was beginning to panic.

"Gee guys, looks like Joseph over theres a large!" Frank practically screamed, getting everyone's attention. The whispers about him made him feel nauseous. He felt ashamed.

The short boy stood there, mouth agape as the taller boy edged closer to him.  
"Are you looking for these, fatass?" Frank hollered as he held Tyler's clothes up whilst a crowd of boys surrounded him. Silent tears made their way down his cheeks as he crossed his arms over his tummy, trying to cover it as much as he could.

"P-please give me them back." Tyler practically begged, but it was no use as Frank snorted and poked the boy in the middle of his chest.   
"You listen to me, gay boy, you are nothing. Do you hear me? Absolutely fucking nothing. All you'll ever be is a fat reject. Hey, look at me when I'm talking to you, faggot!" Frank grabbed Tyler's pudgy jaw, hard enough to leave marks.   
"If I were you I'd starve until I was fucking dead because I couldn't stand to wake up everyday with that body. I don't even know how you can look in the mirror everyday. I mean, look at you. You're fucking disgusting." Frank spat, practically slamming Tyler's clothes into the boy's chest .  
-

"One of the boys was particularly bad though."  
"What was his name, angel?"  
"Frank," Tyler hesitantly began, Josh's skin drained of colour as the name was mentioned. Surely, it couldn't be the same Frank that he knew. The older boy pieced things from his past together and surely enough - it was.  
"He'd call me earthquake, I d-don't think I have to explain the nickname, it kinda s-speaks for itself I guess." Tyler said, a sad laugh at the end as he gestured at his body, and in that moment Josh swore he'd never felt so heartbroken. Tyler was so self conscious and Josh was too fucking blind to notice.  
"He was-s worse than the others, he'd always go a step further. When they'd take my clothes, he'd shout the size on the label out and he'd laugh and his friends'd laugh. If I-I wore skinny jeans, he'd say that there wasn't anything skinny about me. "

-  
Tyler rushed through the school halls, hoping he wouldn't be late for class again. It was bad enough being late once in a day.

"Is that Tyler Joseph getting exercise for once?" A voice hollered from behind. Tyler paused for a minute to catch his breath and see who the voice was. It was no other than Frank Iero.

"Dude, whats the point in wearing skinny jeans when there's literally nothing skinny about you? They aren't doing you or your legs any favours."

-  
"If I wore a sweater, he'd say I-I looked bigger than usual."  
-  
"That sweater ain't hiding shit, Joseph. Can't hide 200 pounds."  
Tyler sighed and looked down at his shoes,   
"166, a-actually."   
(He wasn't quite sure why he was answering to them, he didn't owe them anything)  
Frank and his friends laughed at that, as if it was the biggest joke they'd ever heard.  
"Whatever fairy boy, quit lying."

-  
"If I felt comfortable enough to wear a cro-op top, he'd be particularly brutal. Tell me that he -he could see everything. Tell me that he could see m-my stretch marks and everything and that it was ugly and that I was disgust-ting for wearing it."

-  
"Showing a bit too much of your tummy there aren't you, fatass " Frank sneered at a wide eyed Tyler, whose arms assumed the position of covering his exposed midriff.   
"Quit trying to cover it, we can all still see your gross ass stretch marks. It's fucking disgusting, do us all a favour and wear a proper t-shirt."

-  
"He told me no one would ever love me and that I shouldn't have been born. There was thi-this one time I wore one of my favourite dresses to school and I had a-an ounce of confidence and he ruined it f' me."

-  
Today was a good day. Tyler felt good, he looked good. Everything was good.

He wore his favourite dress, it was a white babydoll dress with a pocket that had a small sunflower sewn onto it. It fitted him perfectly and he knew he looked nice. He felt beautiful.

It was third period and, so far, school was going great. He hasn't been in any classes with them. However, this period he had English and Frank was in the same class as him. Luckily Tyler had got to class before he did.

The rest of the class filed in, Frank and his friends coming in last. They had to pass Tyler's desk to get to there's, so the brunette looked down at his book as they did. He felt something, or rather someone, push his shoulder.

"I think that dress is too tight, wouldn't you agree, Tyler?" Frank insulted.   
"J-just leave me alone." The small boy stammered.  
"No, no. I was just saying, I mean, you can see your big thighs and they look fucking awful, dude. Oh, don't even get me started on how clingy the dress is, you can see your stomach. I thought you were self conscious of it? Not that I'm surprised, I would be too if mine was that big. Maybe if you lost some weight, you'd look nicer you fucking pig."

-  
"When I was in middle school, him a-and his friends found my instagram and they'd message m-me everyday. Like they-they'd keep making acc-accounts to message me on and I was so fucking stupid because I'd always open them. I-I remember the first day of high school, I accidentally bumped int-to him on the way to some class, I swear i-it was an accident and I apologised. It was the first time I'd ev-ver saw him in person."

-  
It was third period, and Tyler was in a rush to class - again. It was his first day and he sure as hell didn't want to be late. The small boy kept walking, eyes fixed on the floor until something (or rather - someone) got in his way. He felt his cheeks heating up, surely he hadn't just completely embarrassed himself.   
"Oh my gosh, I-I'm so sorry I-" Tyler apologised, stuttering on every word.  
"Watch it, fatass!" The voice said. Tyler looked up at the boy. The small boy looked up at the other boy. This couldn't be happening. It was Frank, the kid who'd been messaging the younger boy for over a year. The boy who just wouldn't leave him alone.  
"Wait a minute, I know you." Tyler's eyes went wide as the older boy walked by,   
"You better watch your back, faggot."

-  
"There was this one time, I-in math, he made me look so s-stupid."  
-  
"Alright, today we'll be studying angles. So-"  
"Miss, how about we use Tyler's teeth as a demonstration, I mean they're a perfect example of different angles , aren't they Ty?" Frank shouted, causing the class to burst out laughing. Tyler looked down at the desk, shutting his eyes in an attempt not to burst into tears right there and then.  
-

"I had to move schools and leave my best friend behind because of these assholes and I miss her, I miss her so damn much. There was more than that but I really don't want to talk about it, maybe another time." Tyler paused,  
"Josh, do you have any idea how f-fucking draining it was? To have to wake up, look in a mirror and hate everything I saw and then hear all of that in school? It wa-as awful. I went to sleep every fucking night wondering why I was still alive and why they continued to treat me like that. Yeah, I know I'm not even close to being considered skinny and I know my stomach is chubby a-and my thighs and arms are big and that I have stretch marks but, fuck, did they really have to be so cruel about it?" Tyler was now balling his eyes out into the neck of his lover, who was now sobbing too as he carded his calloused fingers through the tufts of silken brown hair.

"And I'm not gonna lie, getting to the point where I'm only-y slightly confident with my body like I am now has been s-so ridiculously hard. I tried to lose weight by not eating and it was awful because it'd work for a bit and then I'd eat because I was starting to feel like shit and gain whatever I'd lost back."

-  
"Tyler, where's your lunch?" Jenna's eyebrows knitted together, this was the fourth time this week. The boy looked up at her with wide eyes, opening his mouth to say something.  
"You need to eat, Ty, I know you wanna lose weight but this isn't right. It's unhealthy." The blonde girl was worried about her best friend. What the fuck was he doing?

"Jen, I told you, 'm not hungry." He tried to shake the question off, he hated lying to her because she was only looking out for him. Truth was, he was fucking starving! But if he wanted to lose weight and be skinny then this was the only way. He might finally hit 162 tomorrow. Maybe they'd leave him alone when he's skinnier and able to wear extra smalls and had small arms and legs and a flat stomach.   
"No, Tyler, I'm not letting you starve yourself. Here," she paused and passed him an apple. The chubby cheeked brunette just stared at her, about to object, but she insisted he eat it.   
"Ty, it's only an apple. That's like, what, 50 calories?? That's basically air!!"

Tyler practically ran home, Jenna made him eat the apple and to say he felt bad was the understatement of the century. He felt awful, like he'd failed everyone. He bounded upstairs to his room, sliding the scales out from under his bed. He hid them from his mom, she didn't know he'd took them. The glass felt cold against his feet as the bright blue number flashed up.

164

He'd gained a pound. What a failure. He weighed himself three times, on and off on and off on and off, and the number was still fucking 164. He was disgusted. He felt so bad that he couldn't help but burst into tears straight away. He was stupid and decided to look in the mirror afterwards and, god, that destroyed him. Just seeing his body for everything that it was practically sent him into a panic attack. He'd come to the conclusion that he hated everything about himself. His body made him want to vomit.

His thighs were big and chafed.  
His stomach was bouncy and soft.  
The stretch marks both old and new that littered his body.  
The curves that were in all of the wrong places.  
The way his legs and arms would jiggle whenever he walked.  
-

"That went on f-for a while up until a couple months back when I finally did it healthily and, granted, I've lost something shitty like 10 pounds bu-ut I feel better, I guess. I obviously had to tell my mom what was going on at school so she could try a-and sort it out was f-fucking terrifying."

-  
"Tyler Robert Joseph, you better get your ass down these stairs right now!" His mom was yelling for him downstairs. Tyler heard the phone ring about half an hour ago and, judging by the tone of his moms voice - it mustn't have been good news.

The brunette wandered down the stairs, that creaked under his bodyweight, making him cringe with each step he took, he peeped his head around the door to the living room.   
"Y-yeah, mom? I-is everything okay?" His voice wavered from fear from even being in the same room as his mom, he couldn't even make eye contact with her  
"Wanna sit down and explain to me why Jenna just called and told me she's really concerned?"

Tyler froze, he couldn't tell his mom about this. He could tell her anything, but this was an exception.  
"W-what? 'M f-fine, mom. N-nothing's going on, 'm good I-I promise." Judging by the way his voice cracked mid sentence and the way his eyes were burning from the tears that were beginning to build up, he most definitely wasn't fine. It was one of the most blatant lies his mom had heard. Kelly embraced her son, who was now crying on her shoulder, and sat them both down.

"Oh, baby, why didn't you tell me anything?" She looked at her crying boy with worried eyes,  
"B-because, I didn't w-want you to worry." The brunette boy mumbled, "Plus, I-it was true what they were s-saying anyway.". He looked down at his legs. Fat. That made him cry even harder.  
"Tyler, honey, you need to tell me everything. We can sort this out. You never tell me how you feel and you really should, I'm your mom!"

Tyler sighed. There was no way he was getting out of this. The pair talked and Tyler told her everything that had happened.   
"Is there anything else you want to tell me."  
The small boy stayed silent for a few minutes. He couldn't tell her that today was the first time he'd ate in 4 days, she'd never believe him. How could she?  
"N-no, that's all."

Later that night, Tyler actually decided to stay downstairs whilst his family ate dinner. That, and his mom wanted to keep an eye on him. The boy was silent, leaning his head on his hand as he pushed the food around his plate. He was hoping his mom wouldn't notice, but he was far from correct.  
"Tyler, honey, what's wrong? You've hardly ate."  
Tyler looked up and shook his head,   
"'M not hungry."  
Zack snorted,  
"I call bullshit."

"Zachary! Language!"   
Kelly scolded. Tyler looked at his younger brother with wide eyes, shaking his head as if he was pleading him not to say anything. Zack smirked and shrugged,  
"Tyler hasn't been eating at school. How long has it been, hey, Ty? 4 days?"   
And with that, Tyler got up and left, ignoring the shouts of 'Tyler!' and 'Tyler Robert Joseph, come back here right now!'

Tyler ran up to his room, mentally cursing the stairs for creaking underneath him as they felt like a constant reminder of the self hatred he was filled with, and practically slammed his door. As soon as his head reached his pillow, he burst out crying. He was drained. This was the one thing he was going to keep from his family, and Zack had ruined it. Fuck, he wasn't even going to tell his family about what was going on at school , but he has Jenna to thank for doing it for him. He couldn't decide whether he was angry or grateful for her telling his mom.

After crying for what felt like hours, Tyler heard his door open and saw his mom peering around the door.  
"Are you still awake?" She whispered, scared to wake him in case he was sleeping.  
"Y-yeah." He whispered back, voice hoarse from the amount of crying he'd done.  
Kelly came and sit beside her son, placing her arm on his shoulder.  
"What happened down there?" She asked, only for Tyler to shrug in reply. Silence fell between the mother and her son.   
"Why didn't you tell me, Ty? Why did I find out through your brother not being able to keep his mouth shut?"  
Tyler sighed and placed his head in his hands,  
"I-I thought you wouldn't believe me, y'know? I mean, y' wouldn't look at me and think 'that's someone with an eating disorder.', would you?"   
Kelly was silent.  
"Thought so." Tyler sneered, a little too harshly than he meant to come off.

His mom sighed,  
"Tyler, just because you don't fit the whole stereotype for someone with an eating disorder, doesn't mean it isn't just as serious. I'm not an expert or anything, but I've picked up on the way you've been acting lately. The way you were during dinner really had me worried. Your brother shouldn't have acted like that and I'll admit it was the wrong way for me and your father to find out, but then again if he hadn't said anything now then when would we have found out? When you're dying due to malnutrition?"   
Tyler stayed silent as he wiped his cheek. Another shrug.  
"L-like that'd ever happen" he muttered.

"Honey, there are safer ways to lose weight but this is so so dangerous. Beside, you're fine the way you are."  
"Mom that's the thing! I don't care if it's dangerous or not, I truly couldn't care less! Anyway, every parent tells there kid they're beautiful and that they don't need to lose weight or change anything because they have to say that, so how do I know that you're not lying to me and that you don't see me the way that I see that I and kids at school see me?"  
Kelly sighed, wiping her eyes,  
"Where's the 12 year old boy who was able to be himself and who couldn't have cared less what people thought of him gone? Please, Tyler, I know he's still in there."  
\- 

The brunette continued to sob on his boyfriends shoulders,  
"Well guess what, petal? I think you've well and truly proved everyone wrong. You've found people who love you and on more days now than back then do you look into the mirror and smile because your starting to love yourself, and for that I couldn't be prouder of you, Ty." Josh whispered into Tyler's ears, his voice hushed and gentle.

"I don't deserve you at all, Joshua Dun."


	11. 11

Josh was even gentler than usual with the chubby brunette, who was leaning on Josh's chest, mocha eyes fixated on the movie playing in the background.   
"Y'okay, princess?" Josh asked, Tyler turned his head to face Josh, blinking sleepily.  
"Yeah, 'm fine, jus' tired" Tyler whispered, sleep lacing his words. Josh nodded, silence fell between the two again as Tyler went back to watching the movie.

Josh understood that Tyler didn't really want to talk that much that night, since he'd cried for what felt like hours before. Besides, the small boy was bound to be drained, crying as much as he did makes a person exhausted. The yellow haired boy wasn't even paying attention to the movie, he was more interested in the empyrean boy - who was slowly drifting into slumber, Josh could tell by the way his chest was rising up and down and how his breathing was soft and even.

Josh gently lifted Tyler's head, ensuring he didn't wake the sleeping boy up, and rested it down on the pillow beside him. He took in the all of the boy's features; the way his lashes rested at the top of his cheeks and how his soft lips were slightly parted and how his small hands intertwined themselves with the bedsheets. Tyler looked so peaceful, and Josh couldn't help but smile to himself.

Fuck, he was so in love.


	12. 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning for talks of self-hatred, stay safe x

Josh woke up before Tyler. The brunette had moved from Josh's chest during the night, and Josh would be lying if he said he wasn't somewhat disappointed because he was quite enjoying gently running his hands through the silken locks of tangled brunette hair belonging to his boyfriend. He'd also be lying if he said he didn't purposely stay awake past the point of being tired just to stare at Tyler. 

Streams of sunlight peered under drawn curtains, beaming down onto messy white sheets and the sleeping boy that was sprawled out next to Josh. The older boy groggily rubbed at his tired eyes with the palm of one of his hands, gently sitting his body up, careful not to wake the sleeping beauty next to him.

He watched as his lovers chest rose and fell, and how his small hands subconsciously tightened their gentle grip around the duvet ever so slightly as his body shifted in the bed. If Joshua thought he couldn't be anymore in love with Tyler, then God was he so so wrong.

Josh checked the time on his phone that sat on the side table by the bed both boys currently shared, and figured he'd better wake the angel next to him up. Josh ghosted gentle fingers across one of Tyler's chubby cheeks, earning a quiet, sleep-induced whimper from the boy as he left his slumber. Tyler blinked up to his boyfriend with hazy brown eyes, pulling himself up to Josh's chest.  
"G'mornin J" the smaller boy mumbled sleepily,  
"Good morning princess, did you sleep well?" Josh replied softly.

The tanned boy hummed contently, sitting his body up with crossed legs. The sun that crept through the bottom of the curtains shone down on him; as if he truly was an angel. The elder stared lovingly at the boy sat in front of him, who was dressed in an oversized black t-shirt that had fell slightly off his left shoulder with nothing but a pair of lacy, mint panties underneath. Tyler gave a small closed mouth smile, big enough for his dimples to show on his cherry red cheeks, and if hearts could soar then Josh's definitely did at that moment.  
"C'mon, sleepy, we'll go to the mall once we're both dressed."

Josh didn't miss how Tyler's eyes gleamed.

As soon as both lovesick boys arrived at the mall, Josh felt a gentle tug at his hands as Tyler tried to pull him towards a store:  
"Can we g-go t' urban please, Josh? I wanna look at th' skirts!" The small boy beamed, still dragging the elder towards to store. Josh chuckled,   
"Do I even have a choice?" he replied, causing a heavenly giggle to fall from Tyler's strawberry lips.

Tyler looked at the skirts for what felt like hours to Josh, but he was glad to see him so happy.  
"I wanna t-try this one on, it's m' favourite outta ev'rything!" Tyler beamed, carding through a rack of black mini skirts until he found his size near the back. Josh playfully shook his head as his boyfriend practically raced over to the changing rooms.

The brunette was in there for about 10 minutes which, to Josh, seemed like far too long to just try one skirt on. The electric haired boy tapped on the door of the room that Tyler was in,  
"Angel, can I come in?" Josh cooed as Tyler unlocked the door, shrinking in on himself as Josh entered. He was dressed in what he originally went in and Josh definitely didn't miss how glossy his doe eyes where and how his bottom lashes were wet and held small droplets of water.  
"Are you okay, Ty?" the older boy questioned, Tyler nodded meekly,  
"Jus' w-wanna g-go somewhere els-se."  
Josh nodded,   
"What about the skirt?". The younger boy swallowed thickly and shook his head.  
"L-leave it, s'okay."

For the rest of the day, Tyler was extremely quiet. It was only when both boys got home and brunette disappeared. Josh thought he may have went to the bathroom, but judging by the lack of sound coming and length of time he'd been gone (half an hour), Josh knew it was something else. It was only when Josh found Tyler sat sobbing into the palms of his hands in front of the full length mirror in the bedroom that he knew something was seriously wrong.  
The older boy ran over to his crying boyfriend, gently wrapping his arms around him.

"Ty, sweetie, what's wrong?" Josh cooed, the smaller boy looking up to him with sad eyes tear tracks on his cheeks. Tyler sighed,  
"'M f-f-fine, J. Don' w-worry"   
The pair fell silent as Tyler rested his chin into his knees, not breaking eye contact with his reflection in the mirror. Josh knew that the answer he recieves.   
"Okay, now could you tell me the truth?" The older boy asked. There was even more silence between the pair before Tyler muttered something that was barely audible to Josh. The yellow haired boy hummed in confusion,  
"Th' sk-kirt didn't-t f-fit, w's way t-too small." Tyler said, tears spilling over his waterline.

"I-I must've gained-d weight b-because m-my jeans were t-tight this morning, I-I had t-to breathe in t' fasten them an-and it was really uncomfortable a-an there's more s-stretch marks on m-my hips an' thighs, I saw them I-in the changing room a-an they're purple a-an' big an-" Tyler was cut off by a sob that ripped through his chest and up his throat  
.  
"'M s-so ugly, J, Y' could be with someone so much better looking an-and skinnier than me, I-I need t' s-stop eating a-an' lose weight."  
"Oh, Ty, you know that's far from the truth. I know I could have anyone I wanted but - I wanted you. You don't need to lose weight at all, babe, you're absolutely beautiful" Josh comforted, rubbing circles into his boyfriend's back.  
"B-but 'm not th-though, Josh! I have f-fucking huge th-thighs an-an' my stomach is t-too big and I-I'm covered in s-stretch marks an' I jus' really h-hate my body s-so much." The brunette sobbed , burying his face into Josh's t-shirt as tears continued to fall.  
"Ty, you truly are stunning, and one day I promise you that you'll realise that, and I'm always here to help you. You're my sweet boy, and I love you so much.". 

Josh felt Tyler physically relax as he continued to comfort him, and soon his tears were dry and his crying had ceased.  
"'M love you, Josh."  
"I love you too, angel."


	13. 13

"Are you sure?"  
Josh turned to face Tyler, who look genuinely concerned.  
"Sure about what? Tyler I'm only meeting your family it's not a big deal." Josh shrugged,  
"Yeah, b-but 'm s-scared this'll change your opinion on me. M-my parents are f-fine, s'just my y-younger brother c-can be a-a bit over bearing.  
H-he has like no v-verbal filter."   
"Who, Zack? Ty, babe, I'm not scared of a 16 year old. Besides, what's he really going to do?" Josh laughed, trying to lighten to mood and calm Tyler's very obvious anxiety. Tyler sighed,  
"Okay, here goes nothing I guess."

It took Tyler all his willpower not to say to Josh 'Hey can we do this some other time I'm not ready' because he knew how exited Josh was to met his family, despite how much Tyler had tried to convince him that his family really aren't the most interesting thing in the world. In a way, Tyler felt bad for even thinking that about his family or feeling scared for Josh to meet them, it's not like they were vultures. They were normal people.

Tyler exhaled, trying to prolong unlocking the door for as long as he could. For once, he was grateful that his hands were shaking,  
"'M back!" The brunette called as he opened the door, letting Josh in first. It wasn't long before he heard the immature snigger coming from Zack,  
"Here he is, I thought I felt an earthquake." The younger called, earning a harsh "Zachary!" from Kelly. The small boys face flushed, this was the exact reason he didn't want Josh to meet his parents, especially when Zack was here.

"Woah, he's hot." Maddy gushed, earning a smirk from Zack. Josh smiled, before Zack interjected again,  
"Why's he dating Tyler, Josh are you blind? You could have had literally anyone else yet you chose that.".   
Tyler rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest,  
"Are you done yet? Had your shining moment." He sighed,  
"Yeah, whatever, be careful sitting down though Ty, we wouldn't want the chair to break." Zack sniggered.  
"That's quite enough, Zack!" Kelly scolded. Tyler stood there with his head in his hands, this was going to be a long ass night.


	14. 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning for ableist language, there's a reference in the chapter on wattpad. stay safe x

An hour had passed and so far everything was going well, apart from the odd comment here and there from Zack. Josh and Tyler went upstairs to Tyler's room to escape from everyone else. Unlike him, Tyler's room wasn't small, it was fairly big with white walls filled with polaroids of him and josh or him and his friends. Both boys curled up on his bed, Tyler resting his head on Josh's chest,  
"'M love you so much, J" Tyler whimpered, breathing in Josh's scent. He smelt strongly of cinnamon and leaves on an autumn evening.  
"'S not possible, Angel. I love you more than anything" The elder replied, pulling the smaller boy onto his lap and pressing a chaste kiss upon his forehead. Strong arms came around Tyler's waist and pulled him closer, kissing his plump lips passionately.

"Tyler!"   
Both boys pulled away, looking towards the door, Kelly must've been calling from downstairs,  
"That ruined the moment," Tyler giggled, "Sorry, I won't be too long.". The boy slid off his boyfriends lap, leaving to go downstairs. Josh swung his legs over the side of the bed, and was lost in his own thoughts until he looked up and saw Zack leaning on Tyler's door frame.  
"Jesus, Joshie boy, I'm surprised he didn't break your fuckin' knee" Zack smirked, coming in from the door to sit beside Josh. The elder had to stifle a laugh,  
"What do you mean?"  
"Don't play dumb, I think you know exactly what I mean." Zack rolled his eyes, placing his arm on Josh's shoulder, "So, what's Tyler like."

Joshua looked away, smiling to himself,  
"He's cute, uh, he's really cute. I love him a lot."   
Zack laughed suddenly,  
"Ah, yes, because nothing's cuter than chubby cheeks. Fat kids are always adorable." Silence fell between them.  
"Seriously, Josh. You could date anyone, and I mean anyone, yet you chose him."  
"He's the cutest, really I do love him a lot." The older replies.  
"Is that all you've got to say about him? That he's cute? C'mon, J, be honest with me. You're just saying that to make him feel better, everyone does. He's downstairs, he can't hear you, just say it." Zack snorted. Josh looked at the younger with wide eyes, spluttering as he was lost for words,  
"Thought so. Mom only tells him he's beautiful so he doesn't go back to being depressed and trying to starve himself again. Good ole Kel, preventing eating disorders since day one. He's so pathetic, it's comical." More silence, but this time it was uncomfortable.

"H-has he always been like this?" Josh asked,  
"What. Fat?" Zack retorted, the bluntness taking Josh back.  
"What do you think? Everyone thought it was just baby fat that'd come off as he grew older, y'know? Nope, here he is with thighs bigger than his future."  
Josh felt bad hearing Zack talk about Tyler the way he was,  
"C'mon, dude, lay off him a bit. 'S not that bad, he's just chubby 'sall. He really is something else."

Before both boys could say anything else, Tyler was coming back upstairs. Zack sniggered,   
"Whatever, look I'm going to get ready for practice.". With that, Zack left the room, eyeing Tyler down and muttering something Josh couldn't quite make out as he walked past the small boy. Tyler looked away, visibly upset, but tried to shake it off before he went back to his room. He didn't want Joshua to see him upset, but he forgot his door was open nor did he think he would be paying to much attention.

"Mom said we'll have the house to ourselves soon, Zacks got practice and Maddy has a game so Mom and Dad are taking Jay with them." The brunette smiled, coming back to sit by Josh. The older pulled the angelic boy into him, allowing him to rest his head upon his upper arm,  
"What did he say to you, princess?" Josh asked, whatever it was seemed to have upset Tyler at the time.  
"Just a joke, s'all. It's nothing, don't worry too much." Tyler replied, obviously still a bit downhearted.  
"It's obviously not nothing since you're still visibly upset by it, Ty." Josh comforted, Tyler lifted his head up,  
"Just forget it, J, please. C'mon, let's go downstairs."

Both boys made themselves comfortable on the sofa whilst everyone else got ready to go out. They decided that they'd stay there and watch movies on Netflix until Josh had to leave,  
"Stay safe, boys, there's money on the table in case you need it." Kelly called from by the door, she was waiting for Zack, who had decided that he needed to go and get something from in the kitchen,  
"For fucks sake," Zack sighed, sauntering back into the living room, "Tyler, did you eat my fucking reeces."   
The brunette looked up,  
"Shit, I'm sorry I didn't know it was yours." He apologised, Zack seemed genuinely angry over something so petty. The younger sighed and rolled his eyes,  
"You fat handicapped bastard, I knew it was you that's why I asked you first. I was saving that for practice you stupid cunt."  
"B-but couldn't you just get something at practice?"  
"Couldn't you just fucking stop eating, you fat fuck." Zack sneered, Josh looked down at Tyler to check if he was okay. He obviously wasn't, since he cowered into Josh's embrace, but still he went forward in trying to defend himself,  
"I-it didn't have your name on it, though."  
Zack edged closer, Tyler was shaking,  
"Yeah, like how your eating disorder doesn't have a fucking name on it. Pathetic." He spat, Tyler looked embarrassed as he hid his head into Josh's chest.  
"That's what I thought." The younger sneered, patting Tyler's thigh, "I'm surprised the seams didn't fucking rip. Careful now, wouldn't want to go up a jean size, would we Ty?". Zack walked away laughing, slamming the door behind him.

"Just ignore him, sweetie, it wasn't your fault. He's taking it too far." Josh consoled, pulling Tyler closer. The brunette looked down, eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks. His doe eyes downcast and glossy, he was willing himself not to cry, he didn't want to seem pathetic. He sighed,  
"Yeah, he always does."


	15. 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flashbacks are separated once again, potential trigger warning; mentions of diet pills and bullying?? stay safe x

It was just them, and Tyler had never been happier to have the house to himself and Josh. Zack was busy at practice and wouldn't be back till late, and his mom and dad went to watch Maddy at a game and decided last minute to take Jay with them to give Tyler and Josh time to themselves.

They hadn't spoke much since everyone left, at first it was because they were too busy watching a movie but that grew boring quickly, so it just became background noise. However, the quietness mainly came from the tension still lingering in the room because of Zack. Tyler was obviously upset, regardless of how many times he tried to reassure Josh that he wasn't bothered by it. The older of the two saw right through the brunette, through the sad smiles he gave in hopes of offering Josh some reassurance.

"What's bothering you, Ty? Don't tell me it's nothing because I know something is." Josh asked, Tyler sighed and lifted his head from Josh's chest.   
"It's nothing, I'm being stupid and looking too much into something Zack said before." The brunette paused, shaking his head, "I don't know, it just made me feel uneasy."   
"What was it that he said, doll? Was it when he was pissed before?"   
"No,no. It was when I came back upstairs, when he looked me up and down, he walked past me and said that you'll eventually get bored of me because I'm nothing special, he said you can do better and I-I don't know, J, he's right isn't he?" The small boy sniffled, turning away from Josh. He didn't want him to see him cry - again. He'd done that too much lately. That still didn't stop his eyes from becoming waterfalls as tears began to fall, he really really didn't want to lose Josh. The yellow haired boy was one of the only people who saw past everything and actually loved him for him.

Josh pulled the brunette close, and Tyler practically melted into Josh's embrace.  
"Tyler, listen to me, I am not and I mean am not getting bored of you, I swear on my life I'm not bored. I couldn't do better if I tried, you're my baby." The yellow haired boy vowed, using the pad of his thumb to wipe away any stray tears that still ran down his boyfriends cheeks.

"What does he have against you, Tyler? Has he always treated you like this?" Josh asked, genuinely curious as to why Zack spoke to Tyler the way he did. Again, the brunettes head shot up,  
"No, surprisingly, we were moderately close up until I was about seven. He heard me crying to my mom about other kids being mean and teasing me and obviously saw that was a way to get a reaction from me. Honestly, back then was a fucking walk in the park compared to what I had to deal with my old school and what he's like now. It seemed awful back then but obviously I was a kid and an extremely sensitive one at that. I don't know, I guess things just changed one day, I think he got annoyed over something ridiculous and decided that he'd repeat what others had said because he saw that it upset me."

-  
It was playtime, that meant Zack and Tyler got to see each other again. Although they were in different grades, they were still inseparable. The bell rang, and both boys crossed their hearts that they'd meet each other by the swingset. That's what they did, Zack ran as fast as his little legs could carry him whilst Tyler skipped over, arm in arm with Jenna.   
"Hey Ty-Ty!" The younger boy beamed, giving his brother a toothy smile, to which he returned. Tyler was a shy boy, he never really spoke much other than to his best (and only) friend, Jenna.

The trio were playing together, everything was perfect until two fourth graders came stomping over. If anyone knew anything, it was not to mess with anyone in older grades.   
"Get off now, losers." One of them sniggered, Zack practically fell off the swings. The 6 year old was terrified. Tyler and Jenna obviously didn't hear them though, as the pair were in there own world giggling about barbie dolls and high school musical.   
"I said get off now!" The boy shouted.  
The pair jumped out of their skins, the older of the two cowering slightly. Tyler hated shouting more than he hated going to bed when his mom told him too.  
"Do what we say the first time, fatty! "  
The brunette began to cry, the other boy laughed,  
"Stop being such a crybaby!"

After school, Tyler practically ran over to his mom,  
"Mommy, people were bein' mean to me again!" the seven year old sobbed, practically clinging to his mom for dear life. Kelly sighed, pulling her eldest boy close,  
"Oh baby, what were they saying this time?" The second grader sniffled, wiping his eyes on the corner of his sweater,  
"They-they called me fat an-an' they ripped m' drawing up an-an' at playtime some fourth graders yelled at me an' Zacky an' Jenna an' called me names, momma!"   
His mom sighed, and kissed the top of his head. She knew this wasn't the first time that this has happened and it certainly wouldn't be the last time, no matter how much she hoped and prayed it would be. Tyler was a very easy target.

When both boys had gotten home, Tyler decided that he didn't care about the drawing that was ripped up in front of him at school , it didn't matter - he could just redraw it! So that's what he did, he marched upstairs and grabbed his most favourite pencils and some paper and got to work whilst his mom got Zack ready for basketball. Sooner or later, Zack came running into the kitchen, where Tyler was sat busy with his drawing, tongue out in midst of concentration,   
"Momma said I can colour in with you whilst she gets my bag ready." The youngest said, snatching the red pencil from Tyler's hand.  
"Zacky, I was using that! Give me it back, please!" He whimpered , making grabby hands towards the pencil.  
"Nuh uh! You already had your turn, fatty!"

Suddenly, the waterworks began and Tyler was crying. Kelly came rushing to the rescue, shushing Tyler.  
"Zachary! We do not say that, that is very mean! Say sorry to Tyler now, young man, or no practice for you tonight!" She scolded.

That was the night Zack decided that he liked seeing his brother cry. It gave him butterflies, and a thrill that felt never ending.

-  
"I don't know, man, ever since then he's just spoke to me like that. It was only as we got older, he really started pushing me over the edge." Tyler shrugged, "Like if he heard someone saying stuff to me and saw me upset, then he knew to say the exact same thing to get a reaction out of me but as we've got older, he's got more creative with the insults."   
The brunette paused,   
"I haven't told you what he started doing when he found out I was starving myself, well, after he exposed me to my whole family."   
The older of the couple shook his head, as if exposing Tyler to his family wasn't enough.

"He went out of his way, and I mean he did anything he could to try and trigger me even more. He did everything in his power to make me feel worse than I already did."

-  
Zack was late. As much as Tyler was ever so grateful that Zack was late, a part of him was still really concerned as to what was holding him back.

"Are you going to try and eat something tonight, sweetheart?" his mom asked, concern in her eyes. He simply shook his head, eyes still fixated on the textbook page he was working from, he couldn't bring himself too try yet. She, in reply, nodded and went back to what she herself was doing. Tyler hadn't spoke much since the outburst 3 days ago, he thought it was best to make himself as invisible as he could, which he thought was pretty pathetic of himself considering that this was his family. Still, the brunette could shake the feeling that he didn't deserve to take up any space at all.

The silence was soon interrupted, as the sound of the front door opening and promptly slamming again came from the hall. The sound of basketball shoes hitting the floor ricocheted throughout the house as Zack sauntered in, sliding an envelope under his brothers textbook. Tyler pulled the envelope out from under the book, it was nothing special really; plain and white with his name written in messy handwriting,  
"What's this?" He asked, confusion filling his brown doe eyes. The younger of the two shrugged, a cunning smirk on his face,  
"Open it."

Out of morbid curiosity, the brunette carefully opened the envelope to reveal a card that said the words 'Congratulations! You did it!' In black, bold lettering on the front. Tyler really was confused, because he hadn't done anything special to even be congratulated for. He began to wonder whether it was Zack trying to get a laugh out of something at his own expense. Nevertheless, he opened the card and wished he hadn't.

To ty,  
congratulations on starving yourself for 4 whole days! wow, what an achievement!  
why not push it a whole week, make everyone proud.  
xoxo

The brunettes eyes skimmed over the card, he regretted even opening it. He was hurt, but not surprised. However, he never thought that his brother would put the effort into doing it. Zack, on the other hand, found Tyler's discontent hilarious. The younger of the two tapped him on the shoulder and whispered,  
"If you carry on, maybe people will actually believe you. Right now, nobody does - look at yourself." before disappearing out of the kitchen, still laughing to himself. The brunette cursed himself for being so fucking gullible and opening the stupid card in the first place, he shouldn't have expected anything less from his brother.

Kelly looked at the card, and looked at the tears building up behind Tyler's eyes. As she read over the card, the face of concern quickly turned to one of anger as she stormed out of the kitchen, yelling for Zack to come down the stairs.  
-

"You're fucking kidding me, Ty, that's awful." The lemon haired boy sympathised, Tyler shrugged - he was used to it. It wasn't the worst thing his brother had done, as bad as that seemed, but then again it wasn't the nicest thing either.  
"S'alright, he's done worse." The brunette shrugged, his face emotionless as he continued, an unusual bitterness lacing his voice  
"I came home from school one day, found a small pill container on my desk in my room. Yeah, it was only fucking diet pills. I mean like the dangerous, cheap kind you can buy on eBay or like amazon or something."   
Josh's eyes widened, surely somebody couldn't have been that vile,  
"Shit, Tyler. You didn't take any, did you?" Worry filled the older boys voice, the smaller of the two violently shook his head,  
"God, no. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to use the whole container at the time but it was too risky. They're too unsafe, probably laced with rat poison or some other crazy shit."

-  
School sucked, it really did. Tyler despised Wednesdays, he had five periods of the day with them. They were inescapable. That's why he cherished the bell signaling the end of the day, meaning he got some peace and quiet for just a little while. He loved the tranquility of coming home to a silent house, even if it was only for an hour or so.

However, his relief was short-lived. Zack was sent home early that day, the older of the two had no idea why and quite frankly didn't care to know either. He did, however, know his mom and dad came home too. 

After saying a quick 'hi.' to everyone, the brunette fled to his room. The familiar vanilla scent from his favourite candle calmed him at an instance, as he practically fell onto his bed. What was he supposed to do? School had drained him, especially on that day.

Tyler breathed deeply before something caught his eye. A small container, almost like a pill bottle. Funny, he doesn't take any medication and he sure as hell doesn't remember buying pills. Curious, he got up and picked the bottle up. His doe eyes widened, the container slipping out of his hand and back onto the cabinet which they were found on, the plastic almost shattering on impact.

Diet pills.   
• supress appetite  
•boost energy   
•burn fat

"Oh." was all that he managed to say, his voice barely above a whisper. He decided to open up the container, hoping this was a joke. It wasn't. Inside the container was around 60 small, red capsules, all chalky in texture. They looked and smelt cheap, probably laced with rat poison or other chemicals.

"Ty, sweet, are you okay? You seemed in a hur-" his mom said, coming into his room. She cut herself off when she saw what Tyler was staring at. Kelly rushed in, narrowing her eyes and picking up the container.  
"Diet pills? Tyler Robert please tell me you didn't buy these.  
"N-no. I just found them there when I came home." The boy retorted.

She was silent, and Tyler was certain she was going to call him a liar. Instead, after a minute or so of pure silence, she stormed out of his room calling for Zack to get his ass down the stairs. She'd left his room, the pills hadn't.

I could use them another time, he thought, hiding them at the bottom of his wardrobe. Nobody would see them.

-

"Shit. You definitely threw them away didn't you, baby?" The sun-haired boy panicked, Tyler lifted his head up from Josh's chest and shook it,  
"Yeah, Yeah. I'm not stupid, I know they're unsafe and I wouldn't put myself through that."  
Lie.

Both boys fell silent, their attention solely focused back onto the movie. It wasn't long before Tyler's phone screen lit up though,

Mom 💓:  
See if Josh wants to stay the night, sweetie. We'll be back by 9 x

In Tyler's 18 years of existence, he'd never ever had anybody but Jenna stay the night at his place before, so to stay that he was exited was an understatement. The smaller of the two squealed, practically throwing the phone in Josh's face. The older of the two chuckled, playfully shrugging his shoulders,  
"Sure, why not?"  
The brunette rolled his eyes and lightly smacked his boyfriend off the shoulder,  
"Shush, Joshua, you know you love it."


End file.
